My understanding of my gender identity has been slowly crystallizing over the past couple years. I’m at the point now where I feel I have quite a lot of clarity about my relationship with gender.

However, I think there’s a lot of nuance behind my chosen label than can’t be conveyed through a simple label. While people generally have an understanding of binary trans identities, largely because we have societal associations with the “man” and “woman” genders to draw from, non-binary identities are less understood. Part of this is how non-binary identities comprise an entire spectrum between and outside the gender binary, so naturally the term carries different meanings for different people.

Hence this post to explain what non-binary means to me. I expect my view on my identity to evolve over time as I continue to explore and introspect, but for now, here it is.

I’m non-binary.

I reject the idea of how certain behaviors, presentations, or traits are associated with either masculinity or femininity. I also reject how society associates men with masculinity and women with femininity. However, while I believe masculinity and femininity to be artificial social constructs, they are so thoroughly ingrained into society that it becomes real, in a sense. Thus I acknowledge that the concept of masculinity and femininity does exist, but is neither something I agree with nor wish to perpetuate. Under my non-binary model of gender, terms like man and woman, masculinity and femininity, are not held to be mutually exclusive, or even opposites.

I don’t identify as either a man or a woman, because to do so would be to take on the cultural baggage hoisted upon these terms by society. To do so would be to identify with society’s associations towards masculinity and femininity, which I don’t. To do so would be to put myself into a box where certain expectations are pressed upon me about how I should present.

No. Instead, when I present in a way that society deems masculine or feminine, it’s not because I identify with masculinity or femininity, it’s simply because that presentation makes me feel good, and that it feels right. My intent is to decouple my own internal preferences, my own lived experiences, from external societal pressure.

So when I say non-binary, I don’t mean I exist between the two genders. I mean I exist outside the gender binary.

I’m also not interested in more specific labels under the non-binary umbrella. Non-binary works for me because it describes my position relative to the gender binary without putting me into new boxes with their own set of expectations.